I realized something today. While talking to my mother, she told me of how her childhood was when she was my age and what it was like back then. I'm not going to go into detail, but she said some things that confirmed my thoughts from a month or so ago; Why the hell was I so depressed for so long? I mean, sure; my dad's a hypocritical, socialist, racist douche who prefers to support my future convict little brother and waste all of his money on pointless crap rather than helping out his only son in any sort of way, my family's made up of racist junkie ex-cons and my mother's a crack whore, but I've never had to deal with any of them. I never had to grow up around neither my family nor my mother (thank God), I was NEVER exposed to any sort of narcotics as a child, I got everything I ever wanted, and I've always lived in a VERY pleasant and stable neighborhood in town. "Well, then why were so depressed, Brock?" You may ask. Well, I have the definitive answer, and that answer is: I didn't know how to process my father's sudden shift in emotional stability and overall demeanor. Now before any of you start calling me a "pussy" or a "bitch," please hear me out. Remember, I grew up in a VERY stable household with privileges and opportunities that most kids may never get the chance to have with EXTREMELY lenient and loving parents and family backing me up no matter what. I never had any sort of stress that involved my family at all. But around New year's of last year, something drastically changed. My dad started drinking and using more pills than he should have, I had just gotten out of ABC-East and was going to DeWalt-which caused a bit of stress in my life at home due to bus schedules at first and blah blah blah-and I was basically having to start my whole social life over again. But, thankfully, I started to build a social life online that's honestly FAR more stable than my social life in the physical world, talking to people who shared a lot of the same opinions that I have, actually have emotions towards others that don't involve any sort of hatred or rejection due to their appearance nor their interests (i.e. racism, sexism, homophobia, etc). I felt accepted. I had people that loved me for who I am and actually cared about if I was happy or sad, relaxed or just stressed out to the point to where I was about to lose my shit if someone said something to me the wrong way. I still have a few of these people to this day, and I'm grateful that I still talk to them, even after the ways I'd lash out at them and make them feel like total crap just to make myself feel better, which I COMPLETELY regret to this very day. But I digress.
Back to the original question: Why was I so depressed? Despite having numerous people who spent literally days; weeks; even months trying to make me feel better about myself and my life-neither of which weren't even that bad to begin with-Why was I so God damn depressed? Again, one thing: I did NOT know how to react to and/or deal with the suddenly rising levels of stress in my personal life. Once again, I was NOT raised around any kinds of high stress levels during any parts of my childhood (the highest amounts of stress were whenever my friends or family got agitated due to my childish behavior during middle school), nor was submitted to any types of abuse or neglect at any age, so I didn't know what to do at any given moment other than break down and be a mopy fucking bitch about every single little thing. I mean, sure, I have emotions like everyone one, but during that part of my past, I didn't know how to control my emotions and be happy about what I have.
But my entire attitude towards things have done a COMPLETE 180! I'm truly happy for what I have now, and I'm glad that I still have all of my friends here with me. Well, some of them at least. Meh, at least I still have some people to talk to. I'll admit that I do get EXTREMELY pissed off at people for being complete morons around me instead of acting their age and trying to do something-or multiple things in that matter-that are actually productive in at least one or more ways, which anyone who talks to me knows that I'm not afraid to speak my mind about anything anymore, and I'd rather let my true opinions be known to the world. Racists should all be doused in gasoline, lit on fire, then be shoved into a dark, bottomless abyss; Homophobes should have their nuts put in a vice and their dicks cut off slowly with a dull, rusty carving knife to prevent them from breeding any more hate monger fucks; sexists need to get a swift boot up their asses for talking about the opposite sex in such vile ways; feminists need to just shut up, realize that everything that they originally wanted has already been achieved (voting rights, job opportunities, education) and stop pulling the vaj card whenever someone does something around them that they do not particularly like. Not only that, but they also need to learn the difference between a simple compliment and legitimate sexual harassment. Sure, both can be easily mixed up with each other, but if you listen to the way their voice fluctuates and watch their body language VERY carefully, I believe this whole "sexual harassment" thing can pass. Call me a sexist if you will, but I think just some simple lessons from psychologists and body language experts can clear SO many things up. "Oh, but what if they're a REALLY good liar? CASE CLOSED! EVERY COMPLIMENT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT!" NO! Quit getting everything so ass fucking backwards and just try and listen with an open mind for once! *sighs* Just get on the Internet and look up "how to tell if someone's lying" in Google, and BAM! PROBLEM SOLVED! CASE CLOSED! Some compliments are actually sincere and honest after all, huh? Now shut the fuck up and look at the facts. Not all men are bad, violently drunk nor evil people, not all of them are lazy good for nothing slobs that do nothing but sit around the house, sit in their La-Z-Boy, drink Budweiser and watch Sports Center all day, and here's a news flash: Unless you're some weird ass science experiment, clone or whatever, A MAN WAS INVOLVED IN THE PROCESS OF MAKING YOU! GET YOUR FUCKING ARGUMENT STRAIGHT AND COME BACK WHEN YOU CAN MAKE SOME LEGITIMATELY VALID CLAIMS!!
MORE TO ADD WHEN I CAN RECOVER THE LOST TEXT THAT I WANTED TO ADD TO THIS!!! (The text involved my opinions on patriotism and how the modern day populace as the true meaning reasoning for being "patriotic" COMPLETELY wrong!)
I AM NOT A SEXIST!! I JUST HATE FEMINISTS WHO HAVE THEIR "FACTS" ASS BACKWARDS!!! NOT ALL FEMINISTS ARE LIKE THIS!! SORRY IF I OFFENDED ANYONE
May God bless you with Life, Love and Happiness.
I love you all! ^^